He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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