So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
