wanna go halves on a baby?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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