What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
