No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
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The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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