Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
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