you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We left the knife in your bed.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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