Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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