What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
