Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
