I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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