i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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