Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
