In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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