his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize