Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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