I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
