maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
