YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
