My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
