I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
