Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
