I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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