Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
