just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
