omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
