I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
