my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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