It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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