At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
