My hand turned me down
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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