and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
