I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
