Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
