so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
