i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
