I want to stick my p in your. b.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
