the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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