Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
