This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
