I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
