You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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