The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
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I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
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it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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