508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
