So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
