only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
