it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
