Cold hands, warm shart.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
