Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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