She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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