I'm pants shitting drunk right now
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
