I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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