1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
