She's JV to your varsity
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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