Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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