just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
accomplished twins. life is a go
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
