i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
