..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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