im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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