YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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