if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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