OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am midnight drunk by noon
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
