He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.