It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal