my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
me + whiskey = a bad person
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.