he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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