I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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