Do you still have your period?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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