Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
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It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
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i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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