Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(514): View more from Quebec

i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?

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(407): View more from Florida

im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes

(1-407): View more from Florida

i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.

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(206): View more from Washington

Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.

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(319): View more from Iowa

I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.

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(757): View more from Virginia

At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.

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(714): View more from California

so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds

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(310): View more from California

Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk

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