Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
