the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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