come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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